Every online dating site promises to offer you the love of your life. Cutting edge algorithms determine your key personality traits and predetermine matching personalities within your vicinity. Every aspect of the date is a result of empirically tested deductions.
So why, despite all the science behind it, do we feel most of the time that something is missing on an online date?
It’s not a matter that people can easily falsify their online profiles. Anyone can photoshop some hair and a six pack, some with more success than others. Online dating satisfies our logical side. We simply input what we know we want and, logically, we should meet our ideal partner. A couple of clicks later and we’re matched up with a bonafide compatible soul mate.
Once we finally meet our match, we hope that everything will fall into place because there is a logical process behind it. We dream of perfect and engaging conversations and the thrill of a budding chemistry. If things don’t work out, there is no need to worry, all sites have a satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Time refunds are not viable because of the laws of the space time continuum.
This process not only appeals to our rational hemisphere, it lobbies to our inner time management. We’ve been convinced that no one has the time to meet anyone interesting in their daily lives. The most intriguing love stories starts “by Chance” while the lovers where living their lives!
The truth is that spending time to meet someone is never a waste of time. This does not mean that you should prowl social gatherings to track down a potential partner as that is boring and ineffective. This time should be spent doing something that enriches your life. It can be anything that tickles your fancy, from book clubs and rock climbing to dancing. The key factor is to enjoy these activities in a public forum. If you do that consistently you will experience greater joy in your life and through time you’ll be able to meet people who shares your interest. You need to be in love to find real love. And that all starts inside of you.
Depending too much on online dating is our rational hemisphere getting involved in our emotional hemisphere’s business. Romance, and the relationships that originate from it, ideally comes from a balance of feminine and masculine, emotional and rational sides within us.
If you do choose to go online dating do your self a favor before you go for any date.
1.- Make a list of all compatible and desirable traits of your date.
2.- Print that list so you have a paper copy of it.
3.- Before you leave your house break that paper in a thousand pieces and go out there being YOU.
Trust in who you are, fall in love with your journey and it is guaranteed that you will attract the love of your life. And when that happens through any means , allow your mind to examine the relationship (but not to put out the fire) to be sure that you are in the right place with the right person for the right reasons. Happy Valentines to all!!!
P.S. Worst case scenario, you’ll have a hilariously awkward story to share with your friends.
– by Gui Mansilla
Gui is a Coach, Psychotherapist and Director of Breakthrough Center in Toronto.
Breakthrough Center delivers Psychotherapy and Coaching services to Individuals, Families and Groups. We support clients in creating strong personal foundations to experience a lifetime of positive change and growth.
– Edited by Edgar Valderrama Medina